Opening your family to the help of caregivers, mothers' helpers or nannies may seem daunting and unfamiliar, especially if a family has never considered this option before. In our Western culture of consumer-driven priorities and work-until-retirement mode of living, the idea is that if a family requires help at home, they are doing a bad job. This assertion is especially prevalent for families where both parents work; instead of acknowledging the effort, it has become the norm to criticize families for using the facilities and structures to help their children. I have been a nanny for three years, and I hope to help families meet nannies, find the right fit and begin a relationship built on trust and understanding so that everyone involved can feel supported and confident in the care provided.
For any new family and nanny, I first recommend a phone call, FaceTime, Zoom, Teams, etc. This initial communication is crucial as it allows you to get to know each other, discuss expectations and ensure that you're on the same page. It's a great way to start building a strong and trusting relationship, and it puts you in the driver's seat of the hiring process.
Once both parties feel the requirements align with their expectations, it's time to set a “Meet The Family” date. This is a pivotal step where the nanny visits the home to meet the kids. It's a crucial part of building a long-lasting relationship, as it focuses on the children. Since your kids will be spending the most time with the nanny, it's vital for them to feel safe and comfortable. If your child doesn't connect with the prospective nanny, it's not a negative reflection on either party; everyone involved should want the little ones to feel okay! This process is designed to ensure the safety and comfort of your children, providing you with peace of mind.
Following the “Meet The Family” date, it's important to discuss with the nanny the upcoming days for her or him to participate in a few trial shifts. I recommend one or two. These times should reflect the regular schedule the nanny will work if they are hired. These trial days are a great opportunity for the kids to spend one-on-one time with the nanny and for the nanny to understand the flow of the family's day-to-day priorities. All families are unique, and each one has varying values, principles and importance. The nanny should see if they can fit into the rhythm of the family while also adding their special charm. When peers of mine said they were considering nannying, I asked if they felt comfortable establishing rules for the kids. The word “rules” has a harsh connotation, but in this context, it is more like boundaries. For example, a nanny should respect the children's boundaries while feeling comfortable and assured to set their own. Trial dates set both parties up for the beginnings of this new relationship or reveal how it is not a perfect match. For the latter, remember that it's okay! I have had trial dates with families where it was not fitting, and it was okay. If anything, it should be expected sometimes. The most important thing to remember is that this whole ordeal is for the benefit and safety of the children. It is better to recognize this initially instead of further down the line.
Once the nanny has been hired and the family-nanny relationship begins, it’s crucial to maintain open communication. Regular check-ins, either weekly or bi-weekly, help ensure everyone’s expectations are met, and any concerns can be addressed before they become bigger issues. For the nanny, it’s essential to stay flexible and adaptable as you learn more about the family’s evolving needs and the children’s routines. For the family, offering constructive feedback and appreciation can go a long way in fostering a positive and collaborative environment. Remember, the nanny is an extension of your support system, and for this relationship to thrive, both parties should feel valued, respected and empowered. Ultimately, everyone’s goal is the well-being and happiness of the children, and by working together, that’s exactly what you’ll achieve. Don’t forget, you’re not alone in this journey—your nanny is here to help.
Jacqueline Davis is a New York-based Editorial Intern at Connecting Mothers Initiative. She has a B.A. in English with a concentration in Creative Writing from Tulane University. Jacqueline, a short story writer, is also a full-time Nanny.
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